by Harry Fontaine
Vol. 3, No. 5, 1961
aren't sexy. This one was no exception. She wore her brown hair in a bun
at the nape of her neck; a masculine looking white blouse; a rough tweed
suit and, of course, sensible shoes.
"Yes? May I help you
?" Her voice was gentle and, as the placard on her desk suggested, Quiet.
"I would like a copy
of the Kinsey Report," I answered.
Her lips formed the
merest suggestion of a smile. "Male or Female?" Damn her! It's like when
you go to a drugstore and it's always a girl who serves you, and she always
smiles and asks, "What kind?"
"Female, please." I
leered at her with what I thought was overbearing masculinity.
"I'm sorry," she smiled.
"That gentleman over there in the gray suit has the last copy." She glanced
in the direction of a long library table occupied by two teen-age, gum-snapping
girls giggling over a book on male anatomy; a fluttery looking old gentleman
(a bird watcher, no doubt) intently engrossed in a large copy of "Woodlarks";
and the gray suit.
"Has he drawn the book,
or is he just looking at it here ?"
"He doesn't have a library
card, I'm sure."
"May I ask him?"
I walked over. "Pardon
me, but the librarian, Miss...ah..."
"Simpson." He looked
up and smiled, "Say, this is the damnedest book. Have you read it?"
"No, I was hoping..."
"Sit down, sit down."
He motioned to an empty chair beside him. "My name is Charles Stone. Yours?"
"Bill Tobey." I sat
down and asked, "Are you nearly finished?"
He looked at me queerly
and answered, "I hope so, I really hope so."
"I don't understand..."
"Forget it," he grinned.
"I was thinking aloud. I used to think there were so many girls and so
little time, and now--I wonder."
"Hell," I laughed, "you
still got a lot of time. You can't be any older than me, thirty-three...thirty-four."
"I'm twenty-two," he
"Sorry, I didn't realize..."
"That's okay," he laughed.
"Twenty-two, seventy-two, what's the difference? I'm both."
"Now about Kinsey."
I wanted to change the subject.
"Kinsey has made it
all very clear, with his graphs, percentages, confessions. I wish I could
have spoken to him," Charles mused.
"I have a fine collection
of 'Erotica' and I was wondering if Kinsey should be added..."
"Not Kinsey," he interrupted.
"Kinsey is merely a collection of cold, proven facts. But if you are interested
in Erotica--I have a book I'm sure you have never seen."
"What's it called ?"
I was naturally interested.
"Suppose you meet me
here tomorrow--I'll bring it. It's entitled The Complete Consummation
"I should like very
much to look at it. What time shall I meet you ?"
"Look at it? Hell, I
may even give it to you." He studied me closely. "Yes, I think I'll give
it to you. Be here sometime after two tomorrow."
"Fine !" I agreed.
As I was leaving, I
passed Miss Simpson's desk. She smiled quite warmly (for a librarian).
"You look quite pleased with yourself, Mr..."
"Tobey, Bill Tobey."
I paused momentarily in front of her desk.
"Did you find the information
you were looking for?"
"No," I chuckled, "but
I will tomorrow.
"How nice." She removed
her glasses and her eyes narrowed as she repeated, "How very nice."
I walked out the front
door thinking: There's something about her eyes.
Shortly before 2 p.m.
the next day, I was back. As I hurried past her desk, she looked up. "Good
afternoon, Mr. Tobey."
"Good afternoon, Miss
Simpson. Has my friend Mr. Stone arrived yet?"
"Yes, he's here," she
"I hope I haven't kept
him waiting," I answered.
"He's been waiting--quite
I hurried over to the
table where Charles was seated.
"Hello, Bill. I'm glad
you could come," he greeted me warmly.
I pulled up a chair
and said, "You've whetted my curiosity with this book of yours. I wouldn't
have missed meeting you today if Kim Novak had offered to..."
His laughter interrupted
me, "Okay, Bill, here it is. No--don't open it here. Wait until you can
read it in privacy."
My eager fingers reluctantly
closed the worn leather jacket. "You mean it's mine? Surely you will allow
me to pay you something..."
"That won't be necessary.
I want you to take it home tonight and study it very carefully, then return
with it tomorrow, and, if you still wish to keep it--it shall be yours
on one condition."
"Read it first and we'll
talk of that tomorrow."
That night I read it
and reread it. The Complete Consummation of Sex was the most thorough
and extensive compilation on the subject I had ever read. Fascinating!
It had chapters on the ancient anointing rituals used on Egyptian virgins;
the education of Moorish harem girls; the female circumcision rites still
used in Africa. I had to have it. My library on Erotica would not be complete
without it. While walking to the library the next day, I swore to myself
I would fulfill his condition...any condition.
He was waiting. "Well,
Bill, what do you think of it?"
"It is the most emotionally
inspired book I have ever read, tell me--what must I do?"
"Did you read the chapter
on the unadorned beauty that lies within all women."
"I see. And you believe
this exquisite loveliness belongs to man? Not any man, but to the one man
who has the knowledge and ability to find this beauty, in any woman, and
bathe himself in unconfined rapture. Do you believe this?"
"Yes, I believe that."
I thought he was getting a little carried away with himself, but basically
what he said I believed.
!" He was jubilant. "Then it's settled, the book shall be yours."
"I don't quite follow
"All you have to do
is prove what you just admitted. Find this inner beauty in a woman--and
the book is yours."
"Any woman?" I had ideas
about two I'd like to try these principles on."
"No-o-o. Not any woman.
This shall have to be something of a test. I'll choose the woman."
"Okay." The other two
would have to wait. "Who?"
"Yes--who ?" He was
staring into space and thinking aloud. "She can't be beautiful or too young.
It must be a woman whose inner beauty lies very deep, or it wouldn't be
a true test."
"Let's not make her
too old," I suggested.
"She must be quite plain,
and yet--with a promise." He hadn't heard me. "Someone like--I've got it!
Of course, why didn't I think of her before."
"Who? Who ?" I sounded
like an owl.
He smiled the bad news.
"Miss Simpson, our tweedy librarian."
"You read the book?"
''Simply follow the
instructions," he answered conclusively.
I thought it over for
a moment. He offered no further suggestions. If I wanted the book, and
I did, it was up to me. I walked hesitantly to her desk. "Miss Simpson..."
"Yes?" She looked up.
"Oh, it's you, Mr. Tobey, did you find a book you want?"
"Yes...I mean, no,"
I quickly corrected myself.
She removed her glasses
and smiled, "Well, Mr. Tobey--did you or didn't you?"
"Yes, I found a book,
but it doesn't belong to the library. Mr. Stone gave it to me."
"Mr. Stone is very generous."
She swept a smile in his general direction, then turned to face me again.
"Is there anything else, Mr. Tobey?"
"Miss Simpson..." How
in hell do I start, I wondered. "Miss Simpson, it's nearly time for dinner
and I hate dining alone...I was wondering if perhaps...you might care to
"Mr. Tobey !" She paused
while I squirmed. "How thoughtful of you--be delighted."
She went for her coat
and I thought: I've cleared the first hurdle. Charlie Stone was smiling
at me and he had his thumb and forefinger raised in the old You've got
it made signal.
We had walked down the
wide steps and onto the sidewalk before she spoke. "Mr. Tobey."
"Oh, thank you. Mine's
Darlene. Ah...Bill, I've always been considered quite a cook and I have
a couple of king-sized steaks at my place--if you'd rather..."
"I'd love to. I don't
often get a chance to have a good home broiled steak." I spoke quickly,
afraid she might change her mind.
Her apartment was neat
and in good order, as a librarian's apartment should be. The large living
room had a massive sofa covered with cushions, and she had a small portable
bar, which surprised me. She made a damn good martini, which surprised
me even more. I made myself comfortable on the sofa and nursed my drink
while she busied herself in the kitchen.
"If you'd care for another
drink, help yourself. I won't be long." Her voice was mingled with kitchen
I did. Twice I made
trips to the bar before dinner.
Dinner was excellent.
The steaks were rare and the French dressing on the salad was wonderful.
We finished with strong black coffee laced with brandy.
"Darlene, that was marvelous."
"Thank you. Now, if
you would like to browse through my library, such as it is, I'll clean
I walked over to the
massive shelves that covered one end of the room and began to read the
titles on book jackets. She had both copies of Kinsey! I took down The
Sexual Behavior of the Female and carried it back to the couch.
"My, you look comfortable."
I looked up, startled,
for I had been deeply engrossed in Kinsey. "And you, too!" She had tidied
up more than the kitchen.
She smiled and reached
for my empty glass. "May I?"
"Thanks, I could use
another one." I watched her closely as she mixed the drinks. She didn't
look half bad in lounging pajamas. With her hair loose like that she looked
very feminine. The tweedy librarian had completely disappeared and in her
place was a rather attractive and very well formed woman.
"May I join you?" She
stood in front of me with the two drinks.
"Why sure." I pushed
a few of the cushions back and made room.
She picked up the book
I had laid down. "Oh, you were reading Kinsey. Do you find him interesting?
It's rather stimulating for me to hear what a male thinks of Kinsey's report
on the weaker...sex."
"He is indeed interesting."
I downed the martini. "But regarding his facts and figures, I find it rather
difficult to believe the average woman can be so..."
"Ah...yes, I guess that's
"I see." She smiled
and sipped at her drink.
I felt vaguely uncomfortable
and, forgetting it was empty, raised my glass to my lips.
She laughed and nodded
toward the bar. "Help yourself."
I mixed myself a double
and returned to the sofa. She was busy reading the book. The book which
in order to own I had promised to prove myself with this librarian.
"Say, this is good.
This Consummation of Sex thing. Have you read it?"
"I've browsed through
it," I admitted.
"This part here...,"
she leaned against me and pointed to the part--Harem Girls in Training.
"Do you think this training
could make a girl more acceptable to men?" she asked.
"Yes...it worked then...I
don't see why it shouldn't..."
"M-m-m." She smiled,
stood up and slowly walked toward the light switch.
That night we began. Her capacity for learning
astounded me. We started from chapter one and managed successfully, with
much experimenting, to bring it to a complete and satisfactory close. And
the next night--and the next--and after six consecutive nights and six
consecutive chapters, I found that although the mind is willing, the body--no.
"But Bill! This is the
most interesting part of the whole book. It's the chapter on 169 different
"I know, Darlene, I
know. But, surely you can see that it's impossible for me to carry on...
"Darlene, I'm sorry
but I'm finished, completely finished. I don't think I'll ever be able
"Oh Bill! You're sure?
I mean positively sure
I smiled wanly, "I'm
"Oh goodness, now you'll
have to help me get a new member."
"A new member ?"
"Yes, tomorrow you'll
come to the library and sit at the table where you met Charlie Stone...and
wait with my book..."
"'Your book? I thought
it belonged to Stone."
"No, no," she laughed.
"It's my book. And, as I say, you'll wait at the table till I send over
a virile looking young man, then you'll speak to him exactly as Charlie
spoke to you."
"Then I'll have a new
member for what I like to call--my book club."