"Truesies
and Falsies"
by Robert T. Blackburn
from
Nugget: The Man's World
December, 1958
The
Quiz:
Three men met at their
favorite pub and saw three luscious blondes--Marilyn, Jayne, and Diana.
The oval bar blocked from view all but the
first of their vital statistics, but these were indeed delights to behold.
Tom spoke first: "Men, stake your claims. Marilyn would be my first choice,
but, well, I must be honest with you, I think she wears falsies. So does
Jayne; therefore I chose Diana."
Dick disagreed: "My sexth sense confirms your
analysis of Jayne, but it is Diana, not Marilyn, who is also a deceiver."
"Friends," Harry said, "Jayne and Jayne alone
puts up no false front."
They fell into a heated debate until Charlie,
the bartender, intervened. He offered to approach the girls. In a few moments
he returns.
"Loyal patrons," he said," either they read
lips or your concern over deception is written plainly on your faces. They
have been insulted, but these charming lovelies have a proposition for
you."
"Each of you may have his choice. You must
take them on the town tonight, to all the best places, and victory will
be yours if you earn it. But, these ladies wish immediately to set straight
this matter about the veracity of their figures. I shall lead you to the
back room, and they will be seated equidistant around the poker table.
Each of you is to stand directly behind your own choise--a foot or two
behind. At a signal from me, each will bare the items of concern. You will
then know if you have erred or not about the two you have claimed to be
deceivers, but you cannot see if your own choice was a wise one. If you
should see less than present outward appearances indicate, wipe your brow
as a signal to each other that you guessed right in at least one instance.
This you must promise."
All three men chimed an immediate, "Hell,
yes," and each put up $50, the pot to go to the one who could prove the
true state of affairs.
When the signal was given by Charlie, each
saw exactly the same as the other two, hardly able to believe that
falsies that cunning could be manufactured.
Finally their minds began to function. Each
thought he had been the astute analyzer, not the victim of
the old shell game, perfectly executed by three wenches, each contributing
a pair of shells and volumes of void.
"Ah ha," each man said to himself, "I have
the only true lass. let me wipe my forehead as the signal to chide my buddies.
They both have been deceived!"
As they simultaneously wiped brows, each thought:
"Maybe I have been too!! How can I tell? The $150.00!! How can I be the
first with the proof?"
The girls rebuilt themselves and went out
to the bar to meet their mates of the evening. Suddenly, Tom's intellectual
gears shifted into high. he walked over to Charlie, spoke a few words,
and was handed the $150. "Come on, Diana, let's blow this wad."
Dick and Harry rushed up to Charlie, protesting
loudly. Charlie's only reply was, "It ought to be easy now, but if you
can't figure it out, you'll find the answer here."
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