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49 ways a girl can make movies---rolled up in a single lesson

"Why, Mr. Rogers!"

by James E. Kenner



1957 Annual

     WHY, MR. ROGERS!...it was so good of you to come over tonight! Here--sit down. Can I bring you a drink? Oh...you don't? Well, isn't that a funny coincidence! Neither do I...not really, that is. Oh, maybe just a teeny bit, just to be sociable....you know! After all, an actress has to look out for herself.
     Trust you? Why, of course, I trust you! I feel perfectly safe. I'll tell you what...let's the two of us have a drink after all--just a small drop, of course. Good!
     Now, there--isn't that better? Oh, you are sweet to say that. Do you really think so? A woodland nymph...my, it sounds perfectly exciting! You have such a clever way with words. I'll bet the other producers are jealous when they see your pictures.
     Oh, yes, I know you don't write them. But with all your experience and every thing, I'll bet writers are calling you up all the time and asking for help.
     Oh, no, I mean it. It's something you've got that gives a picture quality.
     You've finished your drink! Well...another? I won't tell a soul that you've had two. It'll be our secret...of course, I'll have one with you, I wouldn't dream of being unsociable.
     ...Here you are. Now, you just lean back and forget all about making movies, and feel perfectly at home. I wouldn't dream of boring you with shop-talk. Why, with this new movie coming up so soon, I think you're entitled to a little relaxation...Oh, is it really? A top secret? Well, in that case I won't say a word--not even a whisper. You can depend on me. Let's shake on it...
     My goodness, your hands are cold Here, give me the other one. I'll warm them for you.
     Why, Mr. Rogers! That's just the way the Duke in your last picture kissed the hand of the Princess. It gives me goosebumps all over! The other one, too?...Oh, Mr. Rogers, you're so cavalier!
     Me, a Princess? You're a dear... 
     Well, now that you mention it, I am a little uncomfortable. It's the way I'm sitting. Here! I'll move over some--like this. Uhmmm, that's better!
     ...Why, of course, you can put your arm around me! I don't want you to be uncomfortable. Besides, we're partners now.
     ...Isn't it funny. We've only known each other such a short while, and yet I feel as though we're old friends. I'll tell you something else, if you promise not to laugh. Promise? All right...
     A few weeks ago, I read in the newspapers that you celebrated your birthday in March. That's Pisces, you know. Well, anyhow it just so happens I'm a Pisces too. Isn't it perfectly exciting! And you know what? It says in this month's issue of the astrology book that it's a perfect time for two Pisces to form a partnership.
     Isn't that something? I wonder if it isn't all written down somewhere, in the Book of Fate. I mean, here we are, and...
     Why, Mr. Rogers! You kissed me! Oh, no--it's not that I disapprove! I told you I trust you perfectly. It's just that a--a girl does have to look out for herself.
     Oh, you silly darling! Sealing the partnership! You are adorable.
     You know something? You're not at all like a big movie producer. Why, I can picture you as a star--sort of the good-looking hero type. Honest!
     Oh, uhmmm...don't! That tickles. Mr. Rogers! Please! Uhmmmmm!
     ...No, of course I'm not afraid. It's just that--well, after all, we've only known each other such a short time. And I wouldn't want you to think that I'm the kind of--
     ...Ohhh! That gives me the goosebumps! Maybe I'd better sit up like this and...
     Why, Mr. Rogers! We shouldn't be like this. I know it's perfectly innocent, but, after all, what would other people think?
     Well, no. There isn't anyone else coming over tonight. But,still--oh, all right. Just for five minutes though--not a second more.
     Oops! I almost fell. Here--let me move over some. Ahhh, that's better!...Well, I--but just once.
     Uhmmmm--there! That was nice!
     ...No! You used it up. After all, we did agree. No--no more! Of course I like you. I think you're very sweet...Proof? Well, I don't know.
     A long kiss? How long?
     Uhmmmmmmm!!! Well! Was that fair? I was still making up my mind.
What time is it, Mr. Rogers? . Well, don't you want to know when the five minutes are up? We've used at least two of them already. Honestly, we did...I think you're kidding me...We-ell, all right. Four more minutes?
     ...Oh, you dear. Just like Maria Manro? Really? My face, too?...But she's a big star, and I'm just a little starlet who nobody even knows.
     A part!!!
     Oh, Mr. Rogers! Do you really mean it? In your next picture? Which part?...Tell me. I'll promise not to breathe it to a soul.
     ...Oh, I understand perfectly. But it's the little parts that count. I just know I'll be a wonderful maid. I'll play it like I was after an Oscar.
     Ah, you're such a darling! Does it have lines?...It does! Oh, Mr. Rogers! I don't know how to thank you. It's so perfectly sweet.
     ...Let me give you a big giant kiss. What's that?...The lights bother your eyes? Well, you just wait right here. I'll turn them off. Why didn't you say something about it before? I don't want you to be uncomfortable.
     There! Is that better? Are you comfortable?...A real big part...oh you darling. I don't know how I can ever...
     ...Why, Mr. Rogers! It's such a nice part!

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